Good parenting III

Good parenting is the process which goes along the life of the parents and their children. The children behave differently before they enter the so called explosive phase of teenage. The parents have got to behave normally even during this most turmoil phase of the kids life. In this phase of their life, children start behaving in an altogether different manner on account of the growing-up phase. They may get withdrawn from the parents, teachers and other family members. The parents will find it difficult to digest that the children do not share with them what they used to, till a few months back. The kids are now into their own world and they do not want to be intruded or interfered by others particularly the parents. At times the situation is so unusual that the parents suddenly find someone in front of them, they do not recognize. This is the time for the parents to keep a balance and remain undisturbed and do not panic because this is a natural behavior of the kids who have entered the teenage phase of their life. The kids who used to consider themselves as the inseparable part of their parents start behaving as they are not the extension of their parents but are independent individuals and want to be treated that way. They want to live their life in their own way and want to do things alone. In this phase, they may not agree with what their parents suggest or tell them. In addition to this, the hormonal changes also play an important role in their changed behavior and the parents must comprehend that and act accordingly. They should give them the space with a view that the children are growing to become individualistic adults having their own identity. As I mentioned before that the kids till the age of 10-11 years share everything with their parents but as they enter teenage they need to be treated differently. It would be good if the parents do not peep into everything the children do in this age. I can understand the worry of the parents also but worrying only would not make any sense rather understanding the needs of the kids would help. If the kids were not made to learn to evade even small mistakes that they made deliberately, then the parents would not be having many problems during this transitional phase of their life. But what really happens is that most of the parents ignore the mistakes committed by their kids when they were 5 to 10 years old. Will the 13-14 years old not get confused now when the parents stop or check him/her? Parenting is a continuous process which cannot be broken into pieces or phases. Only thing to be remembered by the parents is that the kids pass through different phases and the parents should change their way of treating and tackling them accordingly. One more thing which parents tend to do is to suspect the child for everything he does. Some parents try to look for the things in the absence of their kids like; what are the things read by the child or kept under the mattress etc. This shows lack of trust between the parents and the children. If a parent has some doubt then it should be discussed with the child unswervingly. The children should not be worried about sharing the information with the parents. But the parents should also understand that the children tend to do certain things which are very natural in this age though the same may not be approved by the parents. One thing in which many parents and the teachers get disturbed is the fondness towards the gender teenager. The psychologists have found that the changes which take place in the body are responsible, in addition to the social causes and that seems to be quite natural. To be attracted towards opposite sex should not be considered negative. I know a few cases in which the children did not know or realize that they were getting along well with the opposite sex person till the parents and teachers made a discontent for that. They were confused that till two years back nobody bothers about them (even if they were friendly with the opposite sex) but what has happened all of a sudden that the parents and teachers are treating them with downbeat thoughts. They do ask questions as what was wrong if they were talking to each other more than ever before? I know not many people have answer to this question of the teenagers. One child asked a question that if my parents and teachers do not ask anybody  who should be their friend then why is so much restriction imposed on the children? I would like to suggest to the parents that the children may be told to be careful if the parents feel they were disturbing themselves because of that relationship. The parents must not be under unnecessary stress and the best to get out of that is to remember their time when they were teenagers. Being contemptuous on the children would not make any improvement in the child rather it might worsen the situation. The other important rule of parenting is if the parents show some respect towards the liking and interest of their children. Many of you would realize if given a serious thought, how many times you disturbed your child while he/she was doing something else when you wanted him/her to study. We as parents try to impose things and even our areas of interest on the children. A child who was very good at painting was always tagged to be an idler wasting time in something which would not help her getting a good job. This is the way the creativity of the child was killed. So the parents should allow their kids to pursue the field of their child`s interest in addition to what is required as per the education system of the country they live in. After writing all this I would like to recommend one very important thing to parents. This should be directly or indirectly talked and told to the kids especially when they are in their teenage phase that the rights do not come without the responsibility. It is the responsibility of the parents to teach their children to be responsible. They should remember that the kite will fly well if the string is in their control and left lose when needed and tightened when required that way. At times the children tend to demand things as their right but they tend to forget about their responsibility. If your children defy you, have a right to talk to them and correct even if that makes you to be little difficult for them. This is important because when these children go out in the world as adults they need to understand their duties and rights equally well. The last I thing I would like to suggest to the parents is that the teenagers are full of energy and it may not be possible and desirable to block or control that energy not channelizing that in the right direction. If the parents can help their children in doing that then it will be considered as a great art of parenting and that will give the society a wonderful gift in the form of great world citizens.