Friday, August 22, 2014

Relationships at stake

I shared my thoughts with all of you a few days back regarding the laws related to safeguarding the children from corporal punishment given to them by the parents. Interestingly as usually happens in this country not much of discussion took place on this. One Hindi newspaper did express its opinion strongly against the provision of imprisonment to the parents. The newspaper very rightly raised issues related to culture and values. This country has innumerable examples which prove that the relationship between the parents and the children has been so pious and they both have been complementary to each other for ages. This may be the example of Lord Ram and His brother’s, Shravan Kumar taking his blind parents to pilgrimage on his shoulders, Mahatma Gandhi following advice of his parents, Bhagat Singh having a lot of respect for his parents and the family and list is never ending. These are some prominent names, but there are crores of people who would have sacrificed their life for their parents or the children. Very rightly mentioned in the newspaper that it may be one out of a million cases in which a parent would have punished the child for no reason and out of anger or frustration. Otherwise no parent would like the child to be punished by them or somebody else. When this law to ban corporal punishment in schools came into force, there were questions raised that time also. Some of them were unfounded but the misuse of the law has also been seen almost on daily basis in many schools where the children do take advantage of the basic fact that they cannot be punished in the school for anything done by them. Unfortunately, in our country most of us are driven by emotions and decide things and form opinions at the spur of a moment based on recent happenings. This ban has saved the life of a few children but this also has given way to many children going out of track. They know it very well that the teachers and the schools cannot do anything to them so they are free to disobey them, as and when they feel like. I never advocate for the physical punishment to be given to the children especially in the schools but there should be some way of improving them. They should have some fear for the acts of indiscipline. These steps to be taken by the schools and the teachers should be specified in our education policy because no education policy will succeed in preparing worthy citizens of the nation if there is no discipline in life. I suggest that when a law is enacted, at the same time, the safeguard of the other party should also be taken care of. If by chance tomorrow a child does something very nasty to a teacher, then will the government enact a law against the children?
I was quite impressed by the statement that the parents and the children in this country enjoy such a worthy and wonderful relationship that they would not so easily think about harming each other, but such laws if are put in black and white will surely spoil and mar the sanctity of this beautiful relationship. This is also true those countries that have different family fabric and setup and we are trying to follow them indiscriminately. There, the children become independent at a very early age and the parents are free from all the responsibilities but in our country the situation is entirely different. The parent care and do everything possible till they settle in their life and in many a cases even after the children start earning, the parent have the tendency and desire to help them. The same is true for many teachers even in today's time when  it is difficult to find good teachers because of many reasons, the parents do not want their children to become teachers. I have shared it many times before also that the acts and laws should be balanced in nature and we should always remember our ethics and values, be it a teacher, parent or the child. This is the responsibility of all of us to save not only our culture but also consolidate it further for the benefit of the society and the nation. Why should we follow the trends in place in other countries whose culture is entirely different from ours? We must learn to value and respect our own people before we do the same to the others.  I know a number of cases where the parents lived in so called developed country and earned a lot of wealth but came back to India when their children were in the impressionable age because they wanted their kids to imbibe Indian values. By enumerating this, I do not mean any disrespect towards the culture of the other countries but where the child has a separate bed and a room almost right from the day of birth, how can there be an inseparable bond? In our country the touch of the mother and the father is considered to be absolutely necessary for the perfect emotional and physical development of the child. The relationship between the children and the parents should be nurtured further than ruining it by creating a wall of disbelief and suspect for each other. The children should be taught of the innumerable sacrifices made by their parent for their well-being. The government which talks a lot of the Indianism should pay serious attention towards this issue and revive the family culture of the past. We should work to create the schools of that tradition in which the students surrender themselves to their teachers. Teachers should also bring back the glory of this very noble mission as educators and devote themselves completely for the welfare and well-being of their students. The parents and teachers can make all the difference in the life of their children. But the law enacting and enforcing agencies should not do anything which proves to be detrimental to the strength of this relationship.
I remember the days when the parents did not interfere in the relationship between the teacher and the taught but the situation has changed rapidly in the last twenty years and the seed of doubt has developed between them (which did not leave the children unaffected). This is not good for our children. The teachers and the parents should take it on themselves that the pious relationship between them and the children is not encroached upon and spoiled by somebody else who consider themselves the champion of change and child rights. Nobody can think and do better for the children than their parents. This should be understood and realized by all. Realize someone very loving and close to you is getting spoiled and your hands are tied. Let us not reach that situation. God is with us in the form of the children and we as parents and teachers must ensure that we look after them so well that nobody has any reason to spoil this relationship. Let us work together so that our children share their feelings with us and remain as close as possible so that they do not require anybody else to lighten the bonding between the parents and the teachers. My salutes to millions of parents and teachers who sacrificed their life for their kids and my appreciation and kudos to the children who respect and follow their parents and the teachers.   

Monday, August 11, 2014

Empowering women to witness change

The newspaper reports which keep appearing on almost daily basis related to the crime against women are very disturbing and are appalling for the society in the 21st century. More disturbing are the reasons cited by many people specially dressing of the women and other things including their going out in the night or doing certain things which till date were considered to be the sole right of men only. The question which has been asked is - what is the fault of a girl child who is five or ten years of age?  We need an answer for this. She does not wear that type of clothes which many people find provocative. Though the government has tried its level best to curb this menace but it seems to be having an opposite effect. The media does play its role by reporting such incidents but that too get carried away by some high profile cases and in this process the sufferings of many women is lost in the void because they are not reported so intensely as the high profile cases are.  Though the status of women in the society appears to have improved but the reality is different. The literacy rate among the women is much better than when India got independence. This should have made the difference in the attitude of the society towards the women folk but has that really happened? I might be considered to be pessimistic but just for the sake of not being labeled that way we cannot close our eyes from the reality. I would not like to discuss the numbers and statistics but look at the real examples of the problems and issues faced by the women in our country. I am of the firm opinion that the society in which women are respected will progress and prosper fast and reach greater heights, there would be peace in such a society but our family fabric is such that she is not considered worthy of that respect in many cases. I cannot openly share the identity of the women who have suffered in silence but get scared when I think that she could have been my mother also. When mere thought of this can make me shiver than think about the plight of the person who suffers the same day and night. There are women who are well educated, having masters degree and working in reputed organizations and apparently respected in the office by all but look at the same lady`s situation when she reaches home. The lady will have to work hard in her office and also be responsible for everything at home. She is expected to do all household work, look after the in laws, children and husband as well. I do not know in how many cases the husband extend proper help to the wife in day to day household work. There was a time when women used to stay home and do the entire work and the men were considered to be the earning member. That time it was still acceptable that women were doing almost entire work of the house but now the situation has changed and the women work hard while they study and also after getting a job they have to work harder. The man probably was respected earlier because he was the bread earner of the family but now the woman is contributing equally in meeting the expenses of the family ( though that should not be the only reason of the respect towards the women). The issues which really disturbed me are so burning that I could not stop myself from raising the same here. But I do not want those cases to become so apparent publically, hence finding it difficult to put them straight for you. We must understand that it is not physical assault which our women are subjected to but the psychological and emotional trauma is equally serious. There are cases where the husband does not do anything and the lady is working but still she is subjected to all kinds of abuse in the family especially by the husband. She is expected to do all the work and then go to the work place and do the same when comes back home. In many a cases even after doing so much she is not allowed to breathe freely because there are so many restrictions on eating and other desires she might have. Most of our women suffer in silence for the sake of the children and the reputation of the family in the society. The men can be friendly with anyone including the women but the same is not allowed for the wife. This is so ridiculous and negative when it comes to the equality among men and women. Actually it is a paradox! Men can very easily destroy the respect of the woman by casting a doubt on her character. A lady has infinite patience but that should not be tested unrestrained because she is also a human being and has emotions and feelings and wants to be respected and given proper place in the society. We must pay attention to this issue very seriously. I think laws only cannot fight with this issue but the mindset of the society should be changed specially the male members of the family must be made aware that female members are equally important and be respected. This cannot be preached but certainly be practised. If in a family the husband respects the wife then the children will automatically learn the same. Also the society also should change the mindset of the family tree only in terms of the male members. The female can also take your family name forward. The day society will think in this manner, many of the problems will be solved. Empowering women is very important but equally important is to respect them and realize that it is because of them that we progress well. I salute all women of the society for their patience and devotion to their families but the time has come that they assert for their rights also. They have been doing their duties so well but their rights are to be protected and made available to them by the society, if society wants peace and prosperity in future. The women should not give in to unjust demand of anybody but should stand firm to ensure that their respect and dignity is not compromised. I do not appreciate offensive approach and so we should try to teach our male children that they respect the girls and when they grow with such feelings and learning then I am sure real empowerment of the women will take place. This is an old saying that man and woman are two wheels of life cart and both have got to be equally healthy in terms of physical and emotional strength.
I shared this blazing matter with you all because there have been many issues which I came across in the past few years where I found women suffering in silence for the sake of the children and the family. Though there are many families in which the women are given due respect and that is the reason they progress so well. But there are so many others which require immediate attention of the society and their respect to be restored. Women should fight for their place in the society without dispensing their strength and the quality of patience, as she is the symbol of warmth, perseverance and endurance.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Act of balancing

The recent incidents of the serious crime against children in the schools have astonished the entire society and as usual every body is showing concern towards the safety of the school going children. The ministry headed by Mrs. Menaka Gandhi is very serious about the problems faced by women and children at different places. In a sincere move to save children from being subjected to physical or psychological punishments at home and in the schools, the ministry is planning to implement some stringent laws so that the children are safe and they grow as responsible and confident citizens of the nation. This is a welcome step and had been given a thought before the situation was allowed to reach where it is today that the children suffer a lot in silence. The teachers' response to such a law may be scary but the ones who are not able to control their impulses and involve themselves in scolding or beating the children to the extent that many children become terrified. The role of teachers and parents is to provide a conducive environment for proper and healthy growth of the children. This can be done by letting children learn and do things as per their aptitude and liking. Sometimes the children may not be able to decide what is good for them and for the society; in that case the parents and teachers can play the role of facilitator.
The other issue which is under consideration of the ministry is to reduce the age of juvenile from 18 years to 16 years so that the young male involved in heinous crimes like rape, assault etc; against the women and the children can be tried in proper court and not in juvenile court where they being in the category of the juvenile get a lot of leverage although the crime committed by them demands serious punishment.  Now these two issues left me flabbergasted because to me they seem to be contradictory. I shall put forward my views in a manner that nobody feels offended because the problem in our country is that tolerance to respect the other’s point of view of is plummeting. I consider that the punishment is not necessarily the solution of all problems in all cases. This should be judicious and not based on emotional state of the mind. The children are the future citizens of the society and they should be handled properly and effectively so that the issues like rape etc exterminate from the society forever. Our children should be exposed to such environment where they are safe and they see everybody else safe, irrespective of the gender, caste or religion. If we can do that, then there will be no requirement of any stringent laws. Nevertheless, this is quite a paradox because on one hand the ministry wants to punish parents and the teachers by imprisoning them up to five years and on the other hand bringing down the age of juvenile to 16 years and punishing them too as adults? We should be very clear what our approach is towards crime of different nature.  I think that crime is an offense irrespective of whatever may be the age or reason. Either we create the kind of the society where everyone respects the other by the means of education or fear of punishment. We must have zero tolerance towards crime against anybody whether a child, woman or man.
The problem with our policy and law makers has been that they have been reactive than being proactive. The laws have been ratified in a hurry at times under the threat of the so called NGOs or the human rights commissions. Many people are of the opinion that the existing laws are good enough if enforced effectively. Today we are talking a lot about the issues related to children being bullied in the schools by their peers and punished by the teachers. There are some teachers who give corporal punishment to the children, which is against the law. If the policy of no corporal punishment is implemented by the schools sincerely then this problem can controlled up to a large extent. But many schools do not take it seriously. Due to some incidents taking place here and there, a panic is created and the government is forced to implement another law which seems to be more severe than the existing one. As I mentioned earlier, we should be proactive then being reactive to the situation and the laws enforced should be such that they do not affect the innocent ones. The misuse of the anti dowry law has been realized by everybody including the honorable Supreme Court. This law when enforced, was done with sincerity towards curbing the dowry menace in the society but there should have been protection for the innocent ones. My suggestion to the government and the society is that the same should not be the fate of the other laws related to the children, teachers and the parents. We must understand that no parent would like to punish the child just for the sake of it. Rather, I come across many cases where they express helplessness and want schools to punish their children so that they listen to the parents. Substantiating my statement here, there have been instances where  the parents were right but the child forced them to do what he/she wanted. A child who was 15 years of age asked his parents for a motorbike which was limited edition of a brand and naturally the costly one. The parents did not agree to that and the child stopped eating food and blackmailed them that if they did not agree to his demands, he would take an extreme step. The parents remained firm for 3-4 days and when the child did not listen to them, they resigned to his unjust demand. I do not say that the parents did the right thing but what should have been the right thing in this case, this question is asked by many such parents.
The recent news in one of the newspapers is another side of the problem. A child of class 9th was questioned by a teacher for not having done his homework. The child was so angry that he attacked the teacher outside the school and teacher was to be admitted to a hospital in ICU. This is not one incident of this type and if such incidents keep rising, then will the government enforce another law against the children involved in such acts. Our laws should be balanced and not swinging between extremes which seem to be the case as on today. The teachers, parents and the children all are important and everybody should have a respected place in the society. Though it is the responsibility of the parents that the children are safe and are looked after well at home and in the schools but the children should also be responsible enough for their behavior and the activities in the schools as well as outside the schools. This is a difficult task to balance but is imperative in a somber society. We should be careful regarding the freedom of all individuals but all individuals in turn should also be aware of the freedom and respect for others. My request to all teachers and parents would be to teach the children by their example and not necessarily by force. The children would do what they see us doing. Let us try to develop the respect and love for each other than the fear of punishment and hatred. The relationship between the teacher and student and the parent and the child is so pious that it should not be poisoned with this medicine of punishment. The parents and the teachers can play a significant role in this to happen. May God gives us strength to help our children by our hard work, patience and sincerity without worrying for anything in return, good or not so good.