Lay the foundation and Let Kids Chisel Their Future

The important issue, which requires serious consideration, is the problem faced by children due to parents’ attitude of being ‘exceedingly’ helpful. Well, it is a fact well known, that generally parents try to provide children with all the necessities and in many cases even luxuries. This is often an attempt to fill the void, they might have experienced as kids.  They do not want their kids to feel deprived of these necessities and luxuries.

As parents, they do their best missing on the point that they are molding their kids in such a way that they are getting habitual to this abundance. They get comfortable with a scenario where they have to make no efforts to acquire anything they require. In the passion of providing their kids with everything as soon as possible, parents gradually erase the thin line that separates need from want. Everything is provided as if it’s is a necessity and is provided instantly so the kids even forget the value of patience. Which eventually brings them to a position where they stop valuing the efforts of the parents and start taking this for granted. They start expecting everything without making any efforts. There was a time when children had few toys and they shared those with their siblings. Now they have an abundance of this stuff with no inclination to share.

I remember the days when we used to finish a book and anxiously wait for the new one. There was a reason to feel happy when we received a new book. It used to fill us with a sense of accomplishment, a reward for finishing the previous one.  Now a days, a child is flooded with numerous books, even if they aren’t interested in reading one. This extravaganza of facilities available at their disposal, limits their interest and they get easily bored with everything provided to them. There is no urge left in them to make efforts to acquire and deserve something. The same is true when it comes to eating habits of the children. The parents try to provide them with plenty of things and want that the children should eat as much as possible. Do you think it is possible for the child all the time?

The parents want their children to excel in all those areas and fields where they themselves could not attain success. If the parents tried to qualify for engineering or medicine and could not do the same, they want to achieve it through their children. To make their unrequited dreams come true, they send their kids to various coaching centers and create an atmosphere of extreme comfort so that the child can be what they could not without realizing the fact that the child may not at all be interested in that field or may not have the aptitude for these subjects.

Children will value those things more, which they get with some struggle and efforts and not the ones made easily available to them. I have been making one request to the parents and teachers that let children achieve what they want with their own efforts. In this process, they might fail a number of times but that is what real learning is all about. I would like to share my experience. When I was doing my graduation, I came across two wonderful teachers (fortunately, I had wonderful teachers to learn from). They both were extraordinary in their subjects and had a lot of love and commitment for their students. However, the difference was in their approach towards making us learn the particular subject. One would always help the children in every difficulty and solve almost all the problems of the exercise because as students we were comfortable to ask him when we were not able to get the correct answer. Our total dependence on him and his constant ‘kindness’ ultimately proved bad for us. We felt that the book, which he used to teach, was very easy and expected to do very well in the examination.

The other teacher would not allow us to ask many questions but always helped us by giving some hints to solve a problem. Due to this, we were forced to attempt every question ourselves, based on the directions given by the teacher. We felt challenged, considered this book difficult, and were not confident about it. When final examinations were held, we found ourselves more comfortable in the second case, and the results came accordingly. Here I do not mean to show any disrespect to the first teacher but as he made the solutions of the problems available for us so easily, we did not get opportunity to make sincere efforts ourselves. The other teacher made sure that we make efforts and get the solutions ourselves. I am still more comfortable with those topics, which my teacher gave to me as a challenge. This became a kind of lesson for me, I used it with my students quite often, and I am very happy to share with all of you that they did exceedingly well not only in their examinations but in their career too. I am also very proud to share that a few of them, as a result, knew more about the subject and could solve even those problems in the classrooms, which at times I found difficult. That is the reason I always say that if curiosity is ignited in the students regarding a topic/subject, they would make efforts themselves and there would be nothing better than this. I was considered good teacher( so called), not necessarily because of my capabilities but because of the efforts of my students, which became my strength. My excellence was reflected through their efforts not in the fact that how well versed I was in a particular topic or my subject.

Another issue, which is very important and requires attention by the parents, is the fact that they are after the so-called play schools for their kids even before they turn two or three years of age. Earlier the children would go to the schools when they turned five or six. Child Marriage was prevalent at those times. Many social reformers fought against the system of child marriage and now almost all are of the opinion that children should first be in a position to look after themselves, be self-sufficient and then get married. Child marriage is a thing of past now except in some areas in a few states of our country. The reason for this change is the realization that a child is not mature and grownup to face the challenges thrown on to him/her by the responsibilities of marriage. Why the same logic is not applied to other situations?  Why are the children sent to play schools when they are not mature enough to handle outside world?Why are not they exposed to the situations in family where they can be taught to deal with the outsiders without their realizing the same? Why they are still deprived of the love and affection and do not get the opportunity to sit on the laps of the mother and father and other people in their family? I know this is a debatable issue. However, had there been any debate on this in our country? For the convenience of the parents, we expose our innocent kids to someone whom the kids or we do not know at all. I do not have any problems with so-called teachers of play schools; I rather salute them for trying their level best to look after the kids who are ‘deserted’ by their parents in the name of exposure to the world at an early age.

My request to such parents is that they should make themselves available to their students. Give time to their children and nurture them with their love and care. Let them know you more; let them understand your experiences before they practically deal with the world. Parents, your job or growth is important but please realize that your child is the most important of all. I hope nobody will feel offended by my views but try to debate and understand how to make our children learn without extreme pressure and too much help from outside. You as an individual are doing well even though you are not necessarily a doctor or an IITian and your children will also excel if they are allowed to do things themselves, by providing them help, only when needed and in the right amount.

All children have potential to do well and we should let them have the right support at right time. However, never let this support handicap their genuine abilities. Parents should remember that their interference, extravagant help or spoon-feeding would mar the performance of the students in their studies, day-to-day life and especially at the times of unexpected challenges.