Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Good parenting I


Parenting is a phase of life which all individuals look forward to and are really excited to have their own children, nurture them to see them grow well. But the last few years have seen the change in this scenario. Too many deliberations about good parenting have put a lot of pressure on the would-be-parents. There are many reasons for that but one of the most important of them is the competition among the parents which is naturally passed on to the children. Also they are at times confused how they should bring up their children. Some people advise them that all possible measures should be taken to maintain the discipline among the children even if the parents have to be harsh on the kids. The other thought is that the children should be allowed to grow without disturbing them. The parents are advised not to force their kids to do things which they are not willing to. There is another group of the people who wants to have a moderate approach in bringing up the children. Their view is that the kids should be treated as individuals who are in many ways different than the others.
 Two generations always have felt as they are not made for each other but even they would have to coexist because this is the way the life is and will be. No generation can survive alone because two are complementary to each other. So the parents would have to develop a positive attitude towards the kids even before they are born and thereafter also because the new generation would pave the way parents would be bringing them up. Parenting should be enjoyed and should not be taken as a burden and something to be lived with as a ritual. Richard Templar wrote the rules of parenting in a very simple but effective manner and the first thing which he mentioned is that as a parent of newly born child, you should be relaxed. Try to give happy and stress free environment to your kid/kids. You must have come across some parents who are too much addicted to cleanliness and tidiness. Even if one item left by the child at a place where this was not supposed to be kept, then there would be a lot of hue and cry. There is another parent who does not mind kids throwing their things here and there, rather seem to be happy with the messy things around. Such parents know it well that they have enough time with them to change these habits and make him/her more responsible for the deeds. What I mean to say is that the parents should not get tensed and stressed for small things which the children do without even knowing that they are doing something which their parents were not happy with. The second thing parents should do is not to compare their own ability with other parents. Try to understand your own strength and help your children accordingly. The third thing to be remembered by the parents is that the rules do not mean that nothing different ever can be done by you or your kids. Suppose a mother is very particular about providing healthy food to her kids. One day she is very tired or not keeping well then it is alright to provide something which may not be that healthy as she wanted. So breaking the rule occasionally is fine for you as parents and also for your kids as well. The next important rule is not to be too rigid in the approach towards certain things to be done by you and by your children. There are parents who are very much concerned and focused about the daily routine of their kids. The child goes to the school in the morning and comes back home in the afternoon. Then he goes to attend music class, dance class, computer class and personality development class and so on. In this process, the child is deprived of doing anything of his choice like playing in the garden with friends or parents. The fifth important thing is that the parents do not need to follow all the advice given by all the people around them. They should try to understand what helps them and their children though they should listen to all. You must understand that one approach which helped one parent may not necessarily work for the other one. The next rule is, never to allow certain things to get on to your nerves. Try to understand that the kids will drive you crazy many times a day. So take things normally and never get hyper. The other very important aspect of parenting is not to miss or ignore your spouse. You loved and respected him/her before the child was born and once the child is born there seems to be some distance created between the parent, which is never good for them as well as the child. You should have the same relationship with each other which was before the child was born (happy and healthy).
 Once you decide to have kids that itself is a great thing and you must be ready to shoulder additional responsibility and mind that this is not going to be easy for you for the rest of your life. Keep this in mind always. Also remember that every child is different and should be treated accordingly. I have experienced it in almost all cases that the kids born to the same parents and brought up in almost the same family environment (even went to the same school and were taught by the same teachers) behaved differently. This shows that you cannot expect the same kind of behavior and approach from all children. Another important rule is that you should be happy seeing them. I know some parents who are more polite to the other members of the family or people but with their own kids. The other thing which the parents should do is to enjoy the company of their children. The office work should not become the hindrance between the parents and the children which might reduce the strength of the bond between them. Notwithstanding the fact that the parents should keep their worry to themselves and not let the children get involved in it. And always remember that you are not the only one who is worried and get affected by that but even your child gets the impact of the same. The parents should perceive things from child’s perspective also. This does not mean we allow them to do what they want but once we look at things from their point of view then we understand the problems or the issues in much better way. Many parents have the habit of talking too much about the qualities of their children and the other parents feel low as they feel that their child is not doing that way or possess those qualities. As I mentioned above all children are different and should be allowed to grow accordingly. If one child is good in academics then that does not mean that all children should be and will be good in this field. They might definitely be good in some other areas where the other children may not do that well. So parenting should not be considered as a competition.
 There are many things which are coming to my mind but I will stop it here only so that this does not become too much of advice to the parents. But the last thing which I would like to tell is that parenting is one of the most important roles to be played by the parents and it should be enjoyed thoroughly by them. If we do that, then we shall be able to help our children become better human beings who will do the same to their kids when they become parents.
      

1 comment:

  1. I will like to amplify an aspect of parenting that generally goes amiss and is rarely talked about. There are certain questions that need to be answered by the parents and some of these should be asked and answered almost all the time. I have applied this to my family and realise that these are the things that guide the parents in their endeavour to bring up their offspring well.

    The parenting is good or bad depends on the answers to these question: -
    1. What are the values that we want our children to have?
    2. Do we have these values ourselves? If no, then what needs to be done and what can be done?
    3. What are the inherent qualities (both good and bad) in our children and what are doing to address these on a daily basis?
    4. Are we putting the child in too much of pressure or is he not being adequately motivated and pushed?
    5. Does the child realise the value of what he learns?
    6. Does the child have a favourable environment or is he struggling due to certain pressures like peer-pressure, parental expectations e.t.c.?
    7.Are we as parents setting the right example? This is the most important question.

    There are numerous other reasons but then this is a set of questions that has helped me. I feel that if the parents do not ask such questions then they are more likely to go wrong. At times it is also difficult.

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