Good Parenting II

I was happy to have got a critical feedback from many friends in response to my thoughts on the topic good parenting and that has motivated me to discuss the same further. Without any more formality I come to the point of discussion. As a parent we must understand that the children are the reflection of the parents and their behavior is the reflection of the environment of the family. So this is the key to the progress of the children and the society that the parents and the family set an example in front of the children. Though the exposure to the external world would have its impact but if the basics values at home are strong enough then the outside world may not alter the behavior or may not have too much effect on the individual. Take the example of the eating habits of the children. Many parents complain that their kids do not eat healthy food. This is very true but then we should try to understand the reason behind the same. In most of the cases, it will be found that the parents themselves were not eating what they want their children to eat because the same was advised by the doctor or they read it somewhere. The parents must try to find the reason why their kids were not ready to eat healthy food. The same is the case with watching television. Most of the parents are perturbed because their children waste most of their time in watching TV. Again the question to be asked is why is that so? Is it not true that most of the elders switch on the TV as and when they want? Is it also not true that many households have more than one television set? The children get confused that if watching TV is not good then why to have it at home and why the parents and other family members watch TV with such an interest. As they do not have much opportunities and the facilities to go out and play with their friends then what do we expect from them but to get busy with TV or computers. They cannot be expected to study for very long hours as well. In addition to this, the parents are also so busy in their daily routine that they do not have much time for their kids so the children do not have many options but to watch TV and while doing so they may get addicted to that. I am not certainly advocating that the parents should not go to work or watch T.V when required but they should make sure that it should be done in a disciplined manner that the children automatically learn how much, when and what to see on the TV. Another thing to be remembered by the parents is that all this is not to be practiced only when the child is born but much before that. As I mentioned earlier also that parenting is one of the most important phases of the life, so all the would-be-parents must prepare themselves well for this. If the would-be-parents set their priorities well in advance and understand the importance of the good parenting then the kids would learn good things right from infancy and they would make the family really happy.

As all children are not same, similarly all, the phases of their childhood are also not identical and the parents need to understand that and behave accordingly. As the child grows, there are some natural changes which take place and the parents need to understand that. The change in their behavior, psychology and actions must be appreciated. The parents need not to sit around them always but be present when they are required by the children the most. Some parents complain that their child does not sit with them. Again they should try to find the reason. Are the parents very strict in terms of discipline, punctuality and cleanliness etc? When I interacted with few such kids, they told interesting things and one of them was that they did not want their home to become another school. When probed further they said they were being forced to do all what was done in the school. That puts unnecessary burden on the kids because they do not want their home to be a formal school. Because of this the children start getting away from their parents. The parents should remember that the children cannot learn and do everything the way they want. So my advice to all parents would be that let home remain a friendly home and not turn it into a formal school. The children want to be left free and learn in their own way and at their pace of learning. As far as eating habits are concerned, the parents should ensure that good habits are developed by providing the kids opportunity to eat healthy food as often as possible. The children should be politely told and explained why the healthy food is important for them. The habit of eating cannot be so easily changed at later stages. The other important thing to be done by parents is that they should communicate with their children. The children should be allowed to express their views and need be then these views should be appreciated. Instead of discarding their views straightforwardly, appreciate and try to justify why that particular thought may not be appropriate in that situation. The other important rule is that the parents should have consistency in their approach. It has been found that sometimes the parents express a lot of anger on something done by the children whereas on other occasions they laugh it out. If you tell them that telling a lie is bad then stick to that and never get involved in the same yourself.  The other important rule of good parenting is not to nag the children for the things done by them which they consider have not been done right. Nagging is one of the most negative things which would drive and force the children to behave in more negative manner. The parents should remember that we all are prone to commit mistakes and the children are no exceptions. Sometimes the mistakes can be ignored and that may have more effect on the child then the scolding or some other negative reaction. The children should not be reminded of their mistakes all the time. I can understand that the parents are also human beings and they are also prone to stress and the frustration but then they should remember that their actions will have a direct bearing on the upbringing and behavior of their children. The other thing parents should always remember is that both the parents, the father and the mother must be unanimous in their decision for their children rather than adopting a different approach. For example, if the father said no to something the child had asked for, then the role of the mother becomes very important. She has to balance the situation in a manner that the position of the father is not compromised but at the same time the child also does not feel completely ignored. If the mother immediately contradicts the father then there would be problems in future. The same is true vice-versa. If the mother has asked the child to do some work related to academics then the father should not immediately jump into the situation but let the child understand why the mother was wanting him/ her to do that task though he may not be in agreement with the mother`s approach. They can sit together and decide what to do for the child but the child should not be confused. For the children both the parents are equally important and they should not have a feeling that they are favoured by one or the other and can take them for granted. 

These are not easy things to do but as parents we must follow them because our children are the most precious gifts given to us by the Almighty. I would be happy to know the experiences of the parents so that the same could be shared with other parents and would be parents.