Deluge of dilemma

The examination of classes X and XII of the public boards of the country are either over or will be over in the next few days. The students who will be moving to class XI are concerned about the selection of the subjects and the ones who will complete their schooling will be appearing in different competitive examinations and applying to different universities and colleges all over the world. There will be serious discussions in the family and the relatives will also find some time to contribute their views for the future of the children. In this process, most of the times, the most important voice, is lost and goes unheard or is paid no attention. Many children are also not able to think rationally but they definitely know more than anybody else in which stream they are comfortable and can justify their preference. I have always been wondering why do the parents get panic-stricken at this juncture and do not realise that all subjects are good and all areas of work require skilled people and the one they will enjoy being involved in. The world is changing fast and so is the relevance of different subjects and jobs. Whatever we say about technology this is here and will continue and prosper further so we should ensure that our children are well versed with that so that in future they do not feel left behind because of lack of exposure in this field. This seems to be universal to me but the subjects of study and the kind of future the child will be more interested in should be left to the child. We, as teachers and parents can extend our advice but that should be advice only and not imposition of our views or ideas on the children. We should ensure that our children get values and they become hard working but should allow them to do the work of their choice. If we do not allow our young minds to pursue their goals and realise their dreams then we shall do a lot of harm to the wonderful creation of Almighty. This would push somebody to become an ordinary achiever whereas he/she might be capable of becoming world leader in one particular field. I was moved to share my thoughts on this particular topic due to one incident which took place very recently with one of my very dear students. I must say that this is not an isolated incident. This happens with many children every year in many families in India. Even the so called very concerned parents become so much over concerned that they tend to play with the future of their children by forcing them to do something which is not of the choice of their children. 

The case under discussion has really disturbed me because I know the child so well and I am sure that if he is allowed to do what he dreams he will show this world a direction in the field which he intends to work. I would try my level best to hide the identity of the child because the parents may not feel very comfortable with that. This child could not get admission in the most sought after college of the country and due to which was forced by the parents to join a college and take up the subjects of their choice because they did not want him to go very far from them. The child was obedient and respects the parents and their very views. Unfortunately, in that college he did not get what he wanted. He is not happy with the kind of studies and the subjects he is forced to study (interestingly, he still got third rank in the course.  He tried his luck to get admission in the most reputed college of the world but could not get that also, though he has been offered by some other very reputed universities with the subjects he is very much interested to pursue). He shared the same with his parents and expressed his desire to join one of these universities. The parents straightway said no and asked him to continue in the same college where he was admitted last year. The student was not very happy the way the parents responded to his desire. One day he came to meet his teachers and found time to come and meet me also. I heard him and realised that we were chartering his enthusiasm to be killed and when he sought my advice, I immediately told him to join the University of his Choice (because he was not happy with what he is doing presently). He was quite comfortable with that and told that if possible he would like his parents to meet me in this regard. After two or three days I got a mail from him that his parents were not allowing him go there. Realising that the parents might be having some very genuine reason of saying ‘no’ I told the child to respect their decision and do his level best in the subjects and the college he is studying. I really meant it when I wrote that the parent’s point of view should be respected because I always felt that they can never do anything against the interest of their children.

After a few days the child wrote back to me and put some difficult questions to me which I find complex to answer and that is why I thought of sharing this with all of you. The problem is that they not only declined to his request but used wrong statements for him which demeans him like anything. They passed comments on his not getting admission in the best college of the country and now that he was not able to qualify for the best college. The young man is still very calm and do not say anything against his parents and is very respectful while raising an important issue. His question is that, it is very good to respect parents but who will teach the parents that they also need to understand their children well and respect their views also. In this the parents want the child to look after the family business only. His question is that, does he not have any freedom to realise his dream. The important point to note down is, in this situation also the child is very much concerned about the parents and the family but wants to do something different which will help him to do something new for the world population. As I know this child he is very honest, hard working, have concern for others and is clear about what is to be done and what not. But he got confused and caught between his respect towards his parents and his dream to do something different of his choice and penchant. His question is how to balance between the parents` wish and his dreams.

 I ask your views on this. Kindly respond so that it can help many children who face this everyday and every year.