Develop tolerance and patience

            The news of a youth thrashing a DTC bus driver to death in the presence of 30-40 passengers should be an eye opener for all, parents, teachers, educationists, psychologists and child protection groups. Unfortunately, this incident will also be forgotten after a few days and the stakeholders will be back to usual thoughts and same views regarding the treatment of the children at home and in the schools. The suggestions and advice of the school counselors and the psychiatrists will be divergent in their approach towards facing these issues. Other issue is that in the race of projecting self, as the champion of the rights of the poor and the children, many of us tend to ignore the real predicaments and blindly favour the weaker group without realizing the facts. This is true that in majority of the cases the poor and the weaker suffer but in the process of helping them the other group should not be blamed and made victim of the extreme acts done by the so called weaker group of the people. In India, the teachers and parents have been respected for centuries and their place in the minds of the children has been equivalent to God. Their advice was taken as a command or an order and that made things really worthwhile to the children and the society in those days. Now, in the last few years, things have changed and the children have been given a lot of freedom to question the parents and the teachers. This has been good but the questioning by the children did not come with responsibility. The excuse given by the schools and the parents for small incidents of indiscipline in the name of consideration made children become habitual of playing with the rules and regulations. In the past if any child reached school late, then he would be either given some punishment or sent back home so that the same is not repeated in future. Any child not letting the teacher teach in the class was liable to be sent home with the parents so that he understood the importance of being sincere in the class. But now things are not the same. The parents and the psychologists treat sending the child back home or some form of punishment as the action which might disturb the child. This has a point but look at the repercussions of not taking some action against the acts of indiscipline. I do not endorse any action which may be detrimental to the progress of the child but that does not mean that every negative action of the children should be ignored. Now the psychiatrists and the educational psychologists are advising that the schools and the family of the children should treat this problem. Right but what should they do? The teachers find themselves in catch twenty two situation. Though some people may feel offended but the truth should be shared and accepted that in many cases the teachers and the parents are helpless and do not know what to do. When the children are asked by the parents to come back home in time many children question that too. If the teachers ask them to do their work following a schedule and do not get indulged in certain things not of their age, again queries are raised by the children. The impact of the film songs related to party all night and words openly used to glorify alcohol, impress them more than the advice of the parents and the teachers. Though all this may not be only because of the freedom given at home and in the schools but this has been a major contributor to the loss of patience and tolerance. Children at the age of four and five demand and the word request seem to have lost its meaning for them and hence they learn to push their way through in all cases. For this the blame may not be on the children but the society, parents and the teachers should share it. The other problem is that nobody wishes to raise a point which might put the children in some difficult situation. The truth and the fact is that for doing and learning good all need to go through difficult times and situations. The good and the positives are not achieved without difficulty.

             The problem of intolerance and impatience is the most serious problem which should be tackled at the earliest and everybody must work in unison to get a solution for the same. The word punishment may not seem to be very good to many so let us term it as reforming somebody for doing good. The psychologists and the teachers should ensure what is good for the children. They should find out the ways by which the defiant children understand their mistakes because without making them realize their mistakes, no reform will help. The parents and the teachers should be firm and fair in their approach towards the issues related to indiscipline. Many people share their experience that during their school days if they were punished by the teacher they never dared to tell the same to their parents. The reason for this was that parents would never like them doing anything which was against the norms of the school but the situation is just reverse as on today. If our children have to develop patience and tolerance then the teachers and the parents will have to take the lead. The children are the reflections of the society and in case of school going children, society is the school and the home.  I would like to suggest few things which might help our children not falling prey to the violent behavior which darkens the prospects of their future.

           The parents and the teachers should define the dos and don'ts to the kids and convince them of the consequences. They themselves should be following what they want from their children. The psychologists and the NGOs should not blame the parents and the teachers for everything wrong done by the children. The children must be made aware of the results of their actions and they should face the consequences. The children from well to do families should not be allowed to exhibit their wealth in the form of costly shoes, watches, pens etc in the school. The parents should ensure that their children do not drive vehicles if they do not have driving license. The schools should not differentiate among the children based on their family background or position held by the parents. The values are never taught but learnt by the children so the parents and the teachers should be the role model for their children. They should know it well that if they do not follow the norms of the school or behave well at home they are in for a reprimand.

           The most important of all, do not ignore anything done wrong by the child. This does not mean that they are to be punished for everything done by them but they should be conscious that the parents and the teachers are aware of that and they are not really happy with the action.

               As mentioned in my earlier articles also the teachers and the parents should have a strong bonding with the children and spend as much quality time as possible with them otherwise the access to the violent video games by the children will add to the problem. If the parents and the teachers leave or create space between them and the children, then this space will definitely be filled by some undesirable entities which might take the children in a wrong direction. The child protection groups and organizations should also help in this direction to restore the trust between the child, the teacher and the parents and not to add to the mistrust or alienation which has already caused a serious damage to this wonderful relationship.