The balancing act

While interacting with parents on many occasions, one thing has been observed that most of them are concerned about the well being and the future of their children. Very few of them do not think much about it but want the kids to become self dependent and self sufficient. I tend to agree with both the sides and want that a balance should be established that neither the children remain under the shadow of their parents nor should be absolutely free of the required influence of the parents. In the present age, the parents will have to understand the feelings of the children and decide very carefully how much freedom to be given to them. When discussed with the parents who want their children to become self dependent and self sufficient also want the children to be responsible towards them, parents, family, society and the nation. This means they desire that when the parents need them they should be there and when the country needs, they should be ready to sacrifice everything for the nation. This is easy to expect and write but difficult to achieve. This does not mean that it is impossible. There are large number of examples around us where we find the children doing so much for the family and the society and not letting the parents fend for themselves when they need their children. Though we also have examples where the parents might be living in old age homes but in that we should not forget the duty bound children who do everything possible for their parents. When we tried to understand these children and the parents we found that the entire process was worth mentioning at some forum and for me this blog is one such platform. In such family the most important thing is the faith and belief of the parents of the children and other family members on each other. There would no negative talks or discussion in the family ever. Even if there were any problems, they would be discussed in very sober manner. The family members are given their space and everyone has the freedom of expressing views of self without fear. This leads to unanimous decision most of the time and in case there was some problem, the decision of the head of the family is accepted by all. This has been found true in both the cases whether joint family or nuclear family. This might appear to be an ideal situation to most of my readers but the fact is that it is true.

The parents in such cases do guide their children but the most important thing is that they support their children in their approach. Another important feature is that both, the mother and the father are absolutely clear about what they say to their children and there is confusion to them. What I want to say here is that parents are the ideals for their children and wherever there is a good understanding between the parents the children also become positive in their demeanour. I would like to quote one example here which I read somewhere. When our ex president and scientist of repute honorable APJ Abdul Kalam was a child he learnt many positive things from his parents. One evening his father came home from work and was tired. His mother was also busy the whole day but was happy, as always, to cook and serve the food to all the family members. As she was to cook bread (chapati) for so many members, so some of the breads were overcooked (burnt) and the same were served to the father of Shri Kalam Saheb. The father did not mince a word or express his displeasure rather ate the chapatis happily. Meanwhile the mother realized that it was wrong to serve burnt chapati to him so she asked “did he feel bad eating those burnt chaptis?” His answer was no I liked these chapatis. They finished the meal and while going to bed as a practice Sh. Kalam went to his father`s room to wish and take his blessings. He asked an innocent question to his father that did he really like the burnt chapatis. The answer of father was a lesson to him and also is to all of us as well. He said that it is not true that he was fond of burnt chapatis but it was good to eat those chapatis than to crib and grumble to his mother. Had he expressed unhappiness to her that time when she asked the question, it would have disturbed her because she was the one who had done the same amount of hard work what he did and still cooked food for them. I think this made a very positive impact on this child`s mind and he never used harsh word in his life for anybody. This is just an example and there are hundreds of thousands like this in the past and in the present. The only thing we need to do is talk and write more about them than the negative ones only.

The other issues that were discussed with the teachers are related to unnecessary criticism and back biting. I tried to find the reason behind these activities. It was found that such people were exposed to this kind of environment in the family and they grew up with that. I said in the beginning that some parents respect the views of other family members including their children but also teach the kids about the expectations of the society. In the recent times, there have been serious problems in the family life of the newly wed couples. In the name of expressing themselves without paying attention to the views of others has led to the indifference and many of them seek separation on this account within no time. The relationship of husband and wife is as important and significant as that of father-son or mother and daughter. The society would not survive if this relationship cracks due to the fault of the couple or their parents. In this I would like to suggest that the parents should be careful in the upbringing of their children. I take another example here. There can be a mother or father who does not interfere in the day to day action and working of their child. The child at times speaks in a rude manner but he/she is not corrected by the parents. Now, the child has reached the age of 25-26 years and is given absolute freedom which is right also on the part of the parents. When the child gets married and meet his/her spouse and they start living together, the result of not correction stars showing its results. As the child is already grown up and the parents have given all freedom to them of doing things the way they wanted, there comes a difficulty. Now if both them were of the same nature they do not understand each other at all and if one was understanding then also there would be problems because how long will one only suppress his/her feelings. Consequently, there are fights and tension and they ultimately decide to get separated. This is not the way the society would survive for long. The parents would have to balance between how much freedom and how much control or guidance. The boys and girls must be taught that they are a gift to the society and should not consider themselves to be absolutely right and the only entity important. Nobody can survive alone and we all need others around us to live happily.

The parents should ensure that their children will not affect their life only but other`s life also in all circumstances. So they should teach and prepare their children in such a way that all live happily and value the views of each other.