Attitude of contradiction in children

Pondering upon the contradictory behaviour of children, one is in a state of dilemma whether to understand the influence of external environment or home environment. In an outrage, one tends to behave differently without realizing the impact of the same on other people or surroundings. This can not be justified as situational behaviour as the adults are expected to have a strong control over their wrath rather than being in its control. The recent incident of a girl leaving her home because of the scuffle between her parents’ is an eye opener for most of the couples, who perhaps do not want to adjust or change themselves according to the situation. The girl was in such a great distress that she just never wanted to come back home, but rather wished to be at some other place from where she could manage to attend her school regularly. How often do we realize the impact of adult behaviour on the nascent mind of children? The words spoken to each other in anger, the verbal fights, the indifferent attitude, a humiliating environment at home and many other such negativities arising from different corners and ultimately disturbing the child psyche. The parents, by putting themselves in controversies and by making mountains out of mole hills, rarely understand that the children have to bear the brunt of such activities, resulting in the feeling of insecurity among them. Their dreams shatter, they lose faith, their capacity to think about future ceases.

The children are taught to follow certain norms such as honesty, truthfulness, hard work, empathy etc; but ironically, they get ample examples which go contradictory to the norms and in coherence with the prevailing circumstances. Adults in the family or society or even on roads do not confirm the same norms no matter they may violate them themselves. Furthermore, they at times approach the school and plead teachers to look into the changing behaviour of the child, asking them to solve their crisis. As the child does not listen to the parents, the parents are also baffled at such a stage, so to seek solutions, they take the teachers into confidence. I have mentioned about all this in my previous article, however, today’s focus is the behaviour of parents’ at home or in the society which is emulated by children with absolutely no hesitation. Hence, the parents will have to display maturity in front of their children by putting the ego hassles on the back burner.

Another act which is insidious to the nurturing of childish brain is to contradict each other in front of the child. Let’s take the example of birthday celebration. Sometimes, the father may refuse for the celebration in a restaurant whereas the mother usually agrees to what the child wishes. Now, the seed of contradiction arises from this petty issue and the parents start fighting and opposing each other, realizing less what impact this might have on the child’s mind. This does not stop here. They carry the same argument further and getting into a brawl becomes a daily routine for them. The pertinent question here is- who suffers? It is the child obviously as the child listens to the heated arguments and absorbs everything silently. Feelings of insecurity crop-up in such an environment which is full of negative emotions and hatred for the people around, particularly the parents. The child then believes that he has been subjected to such a misery without actually being at any fault. These feeling then surface significantly at a certain point of time, as the child starts having saturation to existing circumstances. Unless there is love, respect, unity of opinion, care and concern, parents can never set a perfect example of life for their children. They here need to understand the right behaviour to be projected in front of their children and settle their argument within themselves, lest the children should suffer from other psychosomatic problems. Then they get addicted to gadgets or fall in bad company, thereby creating challenges for parents at home and others in society. Certainly their academic performance also is doomed in such situations.  And then begins the saga of unending problems. According to a study conducted in California, Many children seek not a friend but a guide in their parents. There are innumerable cases of domestic violence, in which the mother is a silent sufferer. She does not gather enough courage to go up against her husband, hence, keeps tolerating the belligerent chauvinism. This then becomes a routine affair and the silent sufferer role shifts to the child who witnesses the hostile violence between parents. The blossoming mind of the child might suffer grossly from such episodes, resorting to extreme steps of repulsion from dear ones, leaving homes, withdrawal or suicidal symptoms. These children lose their ability to rationalize resulting in low levels of confidence, low self esteem, low morale and even low performance in academics. Their minds always struggle to remain steady, they display gloom through their gestures. At times, they start involving themselves in such disparaging activities, the repercussions of which are unpredictable.

Parents have to critically analyse their behaviour and actions as this kind of environment turns the child into a violent human being. It is not only the furore between parents but also within the family members like mother and son, daughter-in-law and mother-in-law or any such relation. So to find some solace, attention seeking activities increase. Such children bear split personalities and can not have a balanced mindset, which is required in life to grow. The adults in the family will have to be careful not to criticize, blame or incite anybody in the presence of children as it will sow the seed of negativity in nature. A father should not talk to his father disrespectfully or argue with him. Similarly a mother should be polite and respectful for her mother-in-law and other adults of the family to teach her children those values that are often found missing.  This would be leading by examples, which is imperative for a united and happy home.  The popular story of blanket proves to be so true here, in which, when the father purchases a blanket for his father, the son asks him to buy two blankets. Baffled, the father asks him the reason, which the son states that when he (his father) grows old and is sent to old age home, he would need it just as his grandfather requires it.

Teachers here should identify the problem and deal with it by drawing the children in conversations that are motivating, solicitous and guiding, this will transmit positivity. Since the teacher is also aware of the behavioural challenges, she can give concrete counselling to the child as well to his parents by taking them into confidence. The feeling of isolation that surrounds the child at any age, whether five or fifteen, can take the child into self-condemnation and other predicaments, which might be challenging in life. The teachers and the parents have to understand these changes and act sensibly. They need to guide and support them, nurture their talents, hone their skills and lead them with examples. No doubt these children are the store houses of colossal energy that needs to be directed with utmost precision.  Although, children fantasise about sports champions, actors or freedom fighters as their role models yet, parents top this list. So, assist your children to adopt a balanced approach rather than being contradictory, realize your roles and help your children to become humble and worthy citizens of the country.