Importance of risk taking
The times have changed. The way children are
being raised, has also changed. The children are not only being protected but
cocooned, more than ever before, in the name of the safety and this is up to
great some extent important also. The safety of children is an issue which is
so often discussed and given a lot of emphasis, at home and in the schools as
well. This is not a new thing but is more in focus now than before. But
sometimes it seems to be going beyond limit. This has been mentioned by me in
my articles that a line should be drawn for any kind of restriction or freedom.
Even in our constitution, the freedom of speech comes with certain riders. I
think some of you might be wondering, what I am talking about? So I must come
to the point. As mentioned earlier, children are the most important assets and
resource of a family, society, nation and the world and this is the reason they
should be treated and raised with utmost care. The environment provided to them
should be such that they grow and develop a holistic personality and should be
able to fit in all situations. There are some questions to be answered. Should
the children not be given an opportunity to learn by trying on their own?
Should it always be the parents, teachers and other external force directing
them to do and not to do certain things, in a certain way? When I talk about
safety of the children, it does not just mean physical safety but psychological
and emotional safety too. The children nowadays are told right from their
childhood, what they should avoid and what they should eat. Let me take up a
few examples. If I ask the parents not to stop children from using a knife then
many of them would not agree with me because they are worried about the safety of
their children and it’s a genuine concern. But the problem is that we are making
the children scared of the knife and when they are supposed to use it in the future;
they might have the same fear which would hinder their learning as to, how a
knife should be used safely.
Hellen Keller once said that avoiding danger
is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. In the light of this
statement, let us look at another situation, where the parents gift a bicycle
to their ten year old child. They want him to ride it but before he could they
warn him of all the dangers that are involved in riding a bicycle that the
child would never be comfortable in doing that and in turn might even give up
on it. I once again emphasise that the safety of our children is important but
we should not deprive them of the importance of learning things by doing. Are
we not encouraging them to take no risks? The children in today’s era seem to
be having less physical and mental strength than before and there are many
reasons for that but one of the most important reason is that we have stopped
allowing our children to take risks, by being over protective. Do we allow our
children to go out with some money and purchase some household items or anything
wanted by them? Do we allow children to sharpen a pencil with the help of the
sharpener scared that they might cut their finger? How many of us allow our
children to be alone in the room and create some beautiful painting on the wall
or papers lying around, scared that the colours might be toxic for them? How many of us allow our children to break a
cell and observe themselves, what it is made up of? Too much of safety and
concern is depriving our children from wonderful opportunities of learning and
we should try to be balanced and limit the interference from our side. Children
are born curious but we as adults try to kill that curiosity, most of the
times. Darell Hammond rightly pointed out this concern and I quote, “We are
raising today’s children in sterile, risk-averse and highly structured
environments. In doing so, we are failing to cultivate artists, pioneers and
entrepreneurs, and instead cultivating a generation of children who can follow
the rules in organized sports and games, sit for hours in front of screens and
mark bubbles on standardized tests.”
I have
come across a number of cases where the children were not comfortable in the
company of the male adults, at times. When enquired, it was found that they
were told so many stories about the adults doing wrong with the children that
they perceived that every adult is like that. I think this is an appropriate
example of overreaction and overprotection. With warnings and precautions
children should be taught the skills to be safe. They should be taught to be
assertive in order to protect themselves against uncomfortable situations.
Listen to them whole heartedly and train them in better communication of their
feelings. The children must be allowed to play games and sports without too
much of concern about some inherent danger. We cannot ask children not to walk
because they might fall and get hurt. This is a fact that they will learn
standing up, once they fall. I remember a case in which a child was trying to
kick start the scooter of his father and got severely hurt because of the jerk.
He got up and went to the clinic (this was a boarding school and the staff
would stay on campus) without crying and taking no help. When the parents saw
they were frightened and said certain thing that made the child realise that he
was badly hurt and it might be painful (as the parents were saying that). He
started crying and after this he never rode a scooter or motorbike in future.
If the parents would have been balanced that time the child would have learnt how
to be careful in future. The children should be exposed to all those situations
which they will face in future. They should be made to learn with all kinds of
people but not to change their own agenda of learning by doing and
experiencing. When children are given freedom to act on the stage they usually
perform better than what they would have done while practicing because on stage
there is no fear of doing as guided or being interrupted and instructed by the
teachers or the director.
One of the greatest teachers (Acharya Chanakya)
of our land not only let his student
Ashok take risks but at times deliberately pushed him to very difficult
situations and the result was the legendary ‘Samrat Ashok’. There have been
many coaches of different games who shared the stories how their students
achieved the proficiency and this was always because they were not deprived of
the dangerous situations. Take the example of the Bollywood film ‘Dangal’ by
Amir Khan (a film inspired by the real lives of Mahaveer Singh Phogat and his
daughters Geeta and Babita Phogat). The father forced the daughters into
extremely difficult situations knowing it so well, what he was doing and what
was the result? The girls from a small village of a state in India brought
laurels to the country. The girls had to work very hard and this was because of
them only that they became what they are. Of course the role of the father was
very important but if the mother or some other family members would have
stopped him then this country would have been deprived these great wrestlers who
are role models to many young children as on today. So this is a proven fact
that without risks, great heights are not achieved.
What I would like to suggest and advise is
that the children should not be overprotected and should be allowed to try
things themselves, to learn better. There are people who live in the
temperature below 20 degree Celsius and still survive and serve the family and
the nation. Let our children grow strong without fear and be competent enough
to face all the tough situations in future. They are born fighters otherwise a
newborn child, who sees the world first time, would not have survived after remaining
in protection for nine months. We should play our part in making them aware not
scared. To conclude, I would quote Taiki Matsuura, “Our obligation... is not to
make our children happy- it’s to teach them how to be happy; it’s not to make
our children comfortable- it’s to teach them how to tolerate discomfort. For
these lessons, upsetting to them as they may be now, will better equip them for
survival later when it matters the most.”
The children should not be overprotected but they should be free to achieve their own goals.They should be made strong to face any difficult situation in future.By falling repeatedly they learn to walk.
ReplyDeleteWritten by Mala Mathur by using my son's ID
DeleteRespected Sir
ReplyDeleteAs correctly said by Iqbal-
Girte hai shahswar hi maidane jung mein, who tifl kya gire ,jo ghutnon ke bal Chala karte hai. . . .
And we, as parents give our children the practice of 'ghutnon ke bal chalna ' instead of inspiring and guiding them to become 'shahswar 'and equipping them for safety so that they can embrace their true self and enjoy the life.
Yes,your article once again compels us to rethink about parenting.
very true...we should protect our children but we should never over protect them..we should aware them about the difficulties and challenges but meanwhile we should also motivate them how they would come out from these challenges...we should tell them about the bad things or bad people but in a positive way. I mean we should keep a close watch on our children ...and let them take initiatives by their own ..our love and protection should be balanced....one of your best articles ..really inspired ...i request you to write more articles on good parenting..thank you so much.
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