Balance Between Market And Social Norms

 I recently came across an article in the newspaper ‘Tribune’ where the writer nostalgically talked about his childhood memory of comic books. He started with vividly describing the demographics of a small departmental store in Shimla which along with essential items also sold a small range of comics. As per the article, in those days (about 40 years back), when parents were not very happy about children reading comics, and limited amounts were received as pocket money, one could only buy a few of those books. But once bought, the prized possessions would be retained with a lot of care. The story stayed with me because it reminded me of my own childhood. It reminded me of how belongings in those days were not only limited but were also to be shared with siblings and cousins. And how those small acts of sharing not only gave us profound happiness but also deepened our bonds with one another for life.

Childhood days as we would all agree are the formative years of an individual’s personality. Our experiences and learnings in those tender years stay with us for the rest of our lives. Most parents and teachers today express their concern about how starkly different the modern day childhood, as we may call it, is and worry about how from entertainment to food to lifestyle, there is a huge difference in the choices our children make. Furthermore, we fondly remember how the world used to be a better place and how during our childhood, lives were based on coexistence; joys shared got multiplied and sorrows shared got divided. We say people are no longer the same. But is that really true? Aren’t we just the same, and the only things to have changed are perspective and facilities? What I have realized is that it doesn’t matter which decade you were born in and what luxuries you had access to. In the end, it is the values of society and family that you live in, the people around you that shape your character.

Humans are social beings who live in a web of relationships. We influence each other’s lives and rely on each other for survival and growth. We are programmed to live in groups and need the company of our friends and family to be able to share. Researches have shown that cooperation comes naturally to us– from day to day interactions to our greatest endeavors; we are not meant for solitary survival. Why then does our present society seem less affable and more fragile?

Psychologists Margaret Clark, Judson Mills and Alan Fiske long time ago had suggested; we live in two different kinds of world simultaneously – one with social rules and the other with market rules. The social world is warm with people making friendly requests and gestures and where reciprocity is not immediately required. The second one is very different, characterized by self-reliance, individualism and sharp edged monetary exchanges like wages, rents, interest, prices, etc.  To call one more important or better than the other would be wrong as both are integral and have their individual places. What is critical is keeping them separate. As long as we keep the two on their distinct paths, life hums along pretty well. Mixing them disturbs the equilibrium as one usually overpowers the other; when market norms enter, social norms get pushed out. To elaborate with an example, a renowned lawyer would work as diligently on a pro – bono case as he would on a paid case. His incentive in the former would be his sense of social responsibility and in the latter would be earning his living. A problematic situation would be one where for a case, as a gesture of social help, he is asked to charge a meagre sum, much lower than his actual fee. There, his inclination would shift from social norm to market norm but the monetary benefit would not be alluring enough for him to take up the case. Similarly, a chef would exhibit her best culinary skills at workplace and also while cooking at home for her friends and family. Receiving high salary or tips at a restaurant she works for would make her happy, but what if her friends or relatives offer to compensate her with money for a special dinner she cooked for them at home? She would get furious and feel extremely hurt and insulted. In both cases, mixing social gestures with monetary ones caused disruptions in relationships.

The thing with human relations is, we can keep them either in social or in market domain. Introducing market norms in social exchanges violates the social norms and hurts relationships. And once this type of mistake is done, reestablishing a social relationship is difficult. Healthy human relations lay the foundation of a society that is economically and emotionally sustainable. Thus as responsible members of a society, not only should we strike balance by giving both worlds the due importance they deserve but also teach our children to do the same.

Our education and parenting system today gives immense importance on preparing children to be able to compete in the world. But not much is spoken about teaching them how to handle their relations, whether personal or professional. I am personally a strong believer in the role of ‘people skills’ in an individual’s success. And if someone were to ask me what one trait is the most crucial one, I would say the ‘ability to share’. Sharing for me is the essence of the social fabric that knits us together. It is elementary to the development and nurturing of all human relationships and society as a whole.

Sharing is not just about money or wealth. Generosity is only one of the aspects. Sharing is about kindness, helpfulness, unselfishness, care, sacrifice, giving service, love etc. Sharing is everything from making monetary donations to giving a friend time and listening to his problems. Even when a person infected with coronavirus isolates himself from the others around him to avoid spreading the disease, it is because he ‘shares the concern’ for other people’s wellbeing.

Sadly, our current social setup makes promoting this virtue challenging. The problem today is we are preaching sharing instead of teaching it. Each child today has his / her own toys, books, clothes, gadgets, in some cases even separate rooms; parents today believe in providing enough for each child so that even the siblings do not need to share or borrow, to eliminate the feeling of being deprived. As strange as this may sound, researches actually show that most children inherently love to share. They like to give us things and have us give those things back. They love games that include everyone in the family and enjoy it when the whole family eats together. It gives them a sense of belongingness and makes them feel secure. A child resists sharing only when he is unable to establish a connection or fears being left alone. The lack of opportunities to practice sharing in everyday life is putting our children at risk of growing up to become self - centered adults.

A world without sharing cannot be imagined; families, tribes, villages and cities would no longer exist. Knowledge would be kept secret and not handed down. Sharing is fundamental, an attribute so primary, that it needs to be inculcated right from childhood to foster an early and sound ethical development and we as parents and teachers bear the responsibility of doing it. Why not start by encouraging our students to become doctors, engineers, scientists, government officers etc not just for the financial gains, but also for social causes like, to help the needy, conserve energy, eliminate poverty etc. Instead of focusing on test scores, salaries and competition, let us instill in them a sense of purpose and mission. Though the shift might not be easy, it is what is required for a more balanced world.

No one likes a selfish person. People devoid of empathy might become multi billionaires but would not be those the world fondly remembers. A loved boss will be the one who maintains both market as well as social norms with his employees and also knows how to keep the two separate. In older times we could find many examples where people had happily worked with the same organisation through their entire careers, but that no longer is a common occurrence. Loyalty thrives only with social norms. Money as a motivating factor is usually the costliest. Social norms on the other hand are not just cheaper, but also more effective. When people think about monetary gains only, they are less likely to be helpful and cooperative They turn out cold, calculative and poor team members, and that is no recipe for a happy life.

To conclude, I would suggest that even though monetary progress is desirable, money without healthy social ties would leave a void. Life with fewer market norms and more social norms would be much more satisfying, creative, fulfilling and fun. Always remember, you can’t buy love.