The Truth Of Lies

  “Ashwathama hatha, Iti narova kunjarova”

“Ashwathama is dead”, said Yudishthir, “I don’t know if it’s a man or an elephant”, he murmured. With conches being blown by the Pandava army as the second part of the sentence was being said (thus making it inaudible), Guru Dronacharya was led to believe that his son Ashwathama had died. Hearing this, the shaken Guru Drona lost his will to fight and fell to the ground.  

We are all well acquainted with the above episode from the Kurukshetra War in Mahabharat which ultimately ended with the almost invincible Guru Drona laying down his weapons in grief and being executed by Dhristadyumna. The incident holds great significance in the Hindu Mythology, which got the Pandavas closer to winning the war against evil.

The question that each one of us then ask is, is it okay to deceive / lie? The quest to identify right from wrong, just from unjust, good from evil is something that has vexed the human race for centuries and will continue to do so. A world without any moral and ethical dilemmas, where people do not attempt to do wrong or have to worry about being wronged could probably be absolutely tranquil and blissful, and the desire for such a world will take us closer to spirituality, a topic so wide that discussing it here would not be justified. The truth still remains that in our tangible world, both right and wrong, truth and lie, fair and unfair will always exist. And the least we can and should do to not add to the negatives is follow societal rules (both legal and moral) that resonate with ensuring communal harmony.

Lying is not a recently developed trait. The beginning of lying or the act of deceiving, is believed to date back to when we started cooperating with one another and using language to communicate. It is only when ‘X’ is willing to cooperate with ‘Y’ that ‘Y’ gets an opportunity to lie. And although we would like to think of lying as some sort of an aberration from normal human behavior, the truth is painfully different.

Recent past has witnessed negative examples when Harshad Mehta, Neerav Modi and likes came into light. There lies or concealing of truths became famous because of how massively damaging the repercussions were. But none of us here can, with a clear conscience, claim to have never indulged in this insincere behavior.   

So if lying is such a fundamental part of human nature and being deceitful is woven in our very fabric, why is honesty considered the best policy? Why do all our preaching and teachings advocate honesty as a good virtue and lying as bad? It is because being cheated or lied to is generally undesirable. Lying might be something most of us are very adept at, but the realization of being on the other side of the fence, is unpleasant. So then why don’t we simply stop trusting and cooperating with one another? No trust and no cooperation will leave no room for the possibility of deceit. But would that be a world worth living in?

A world without trust and cooperation can only be described as insecure, chaotic, commotional and anarchic. The absence of trust makes people fearful, protective, secretive and suspicious. Lying comes easy to us, on the other hand trusting as it turns out also comes naturally to us. Our need to trust others is as fundamental as our capacity for dishonesty. Humans are social beings born to interact and to be interacted with one another, of which trusting is an integral character. Lying is detrimental and certainly diminishes trust between fellow beings, but being lied to is still easier to handle than being cynical and distrusting everyone around. 

Having established that both – truth and lying will always co-exist, were all our moral science classes and stories about ‘Satyamev Jayate’ futile and merely a ritual? Absolutely not. The aim was to prevent us and our children from turning into ‘compulsive liars’ because incessant lying will make the world a miserable place to live in. To cite an incident from my own life, a child once asked me if his father, who indulged in a little income tax muddle, was doing the wrong thing. He was with his father during vacations and tried to reason out with father to be honest. So his straight question to me was why students were told to be honest and not tell a lie ever. To answer him was both essential and tricky. Thus the learning I gave him was, when you grow up, you might have to do things that aren’t always right, you might have to choose to do a few wrong things. The only right thing about such situations would be to not feel happy or proud about doing the wrong thing. 

Thus as responsible members of society, we should pick honesty, and in situations where we cannot, the feeling of guilt and realization of having resorted to lying should not be absent. The premise of this lies in understanding the various incentives we see when choosing to be untruthful.   

The reasons an individual, adult or child, might lie are multiple and varied. One of the most prominent reasons, I believe is fear, the fear of being judged, the fear of punishment or the fear of embarrassment. To avoid being judged or punished for wrongdoing, is one of the most common motives people lie, regardless of their age. For e.g., a child who hasn’t finished his homework might lie about having completed it but forgetting the notebook at home. An adult might find it easier to state the reason for being late to work as a flat tyre rather than admitting that he overslept. Such lies are usually told with an intention to protect one’s reputation because we do not like being judged or punished or be embarrassed among our peers or teachers or boss. Another very common motive to portray a false image is reward or benefit. If by telling an uncle that he did exceedingly well in his final exams, a child receives a box of his favourite chocolates, he would go ahead and lie. Moreover, he might also try to conceal from his parents, the reward or admitting that he lied for it. An adult might lie about his accomplishments at his last workplace at an interview for a new job.

The second most common reason that people lie is to protect other people they care about from harm. When we want to protect a friend, a colleague, a sibling or anyone we care about from being punished or getting into trouble, we lie. And we do it even if we do not approve the person we are protecting doing what they did that put them in danger. Helping them in their act makes us equally guilty of this moral offence just like helping someone commit a crime makes us an accountable to legal offence. In hindsight, people might also lie about something someone actually did not do to get them in trouble or get them punished. This is usually done by taking undue advantage of a person who is in power and trusts you to get someone you don’t like or feel animosity towards, get punished. Both adults and children have been seen resort to such acts that are purely selfish and wicked.    

Another common reason people lie is to be polite, avoid awkward situations or to avoid hurting someone. We might lie about how pretty someone looks or how delicious a dish our neighbour cooked is or how well a child performed. These are false appreciations, not necessarily with selfish interests but just to encourage or be polite or simply because stating the truth is far more complicated and unpleasant than lying. The driving force in such lies might be the other person’s expectations to be appreciated. Such a behaviour might seem harmless in isolated incidents, but making this a habit would have long term consequences.

Another important reason a person would choose to lie is to see if they can get away with it. Lying can at times be thrilling. Many children will at some point in time lie to their parents or teachers simply to see if they can do it. Withholding information makes both adults and children feel powerful and in control. This is a red flag situation for if unchecked it could be the beginning of a simple lie turning into an enjoyable habit. 

If lying turns into a habit, it will show a snowball effect and in no time the liar shall find themselves in the middle of a vicious never ending circle of sham. We say one lie and then a second to cover the first and then a third to cover the second and so on till we either fool our target or get caught. To nip this trap in the bud, we must ensure that we provide our children and also fellow beings an environment that encourages honesty. 

To start with, we should be honest ourselves. It sounds obvious and is one of the most effective ways. If we do not want our kids to lie, we shouldn’t lie to them. Teaching kids that honesty is important and then also lying to them sends out a mixed message. This applies to all the ‘white or harmless’ lies and also lies that we tell because we would rather not have our children know the truth, because sooner or later, they will grow up and realize what the truth was. Another important step is to win their trust and help them confide in you. If a child feels safe sharing a mistake with a parent or teacher without fearing being judged or misunderstood or punished unfairly, the chances of a child resorting to being untruthful, drastically decreases. The disciplining in such situations needs to be done very calmly and tactfully. Punishments doled out harshly and arbitrarily will stop them from taking responsibility for any faulty actions in the future. For e.g., in situations where we do not have a clear indication of which one of the two children is lying, we should abstain from punishing one and rewarding the other. Because just in case, our judgement of the matter turns out faulty, the ‘corrective action’ would actually become closer to an unfair disaster.  Other measures which must be practiced regularly are telling positive stories, indulging in an open conversation, and acknowledging and appreciating every time the child chooses to be truthful.

I would like to conclude by saying that the question ‘sach kya hai aur jhooth kya hai’ (what is the ultimate truth and what all is false) or rather ‘sahi kya hai aur galat kya hai’ (what is right and what is wrong) is difficult to answer and might haunt humankind forever. And how much ever desirable a world without lying, cheating and deception, without the question of ‘sach ya jhooth’ may seem, accepting them as a part and parcel of our behavioral evolution, in fact of our very existence is the only choice we have. But the least that we can and should do is, instilling in ourselves and our children, the basic understanding that lying and deceiving is wrong and undesirable and not an accomplishment to be proud of, a behavior that should be avoided and at all costs prevent them from turning into pathological or compulsive liars. A few innocent lies – of everyday life here and there can still be lived with. It is when people use lies that are pure evil, to manipulate others or to purposely mislead that it becomes more worrisome and must be stopped. 

Oscar Wilde had said, “I can resist everything except temptation”. With this New Year 2021 dawning upon us, let us resolve to resist temptations like deception and delusion by exercising traits like self - control, compassion, truthfulness, honesty and loyalty to make our lives happier and more fulfilling.

Wishing all my readers a Happy and Prosperous New Year 2021