Break The Bias-part 2

 At the outset, I would like to thank all my learned readers for their response to one of the most talked-about topics but unfortunately not much has been done on the ground. I would always remain grateful to Mr. Arvind Bhat, Director of Samvad and a very well-known speaker and theatre artist, who is a source of motivation to continue expressing my thoughts on different issues. I know it very well that he possesses much more knowledge than what I do and write but still makes me feel as if he knows very little, though as I mentioned the opposite of this is true. His comments on my blogs are always an eye-opener for me and the latest comments on the topic "Break the Bias" have forced me to think further and realize the extreme stand depicted in the blog. Though I still stand by my thoughts and would like to balance the views, hence I have to continue on the same topic.

While listening to the interaction of Ms. Nirupma Rao (former foreign secretary) I realized that though she was absolutely positive in her approach towards life and the role of men and women in the Indian Services/for that matter any workplace still there were traces where she expressed the pain which many women experience. Replying to a question about whether the suggestions given by women in a meeting are taken in the same spirit as the suggestions given by their male counterparts. She mentioned the example of Glass Cliff (the meaning of the same is a situation in which women are promoted to higher positions during times of crisis or during a recession when the chances of failure are more likely).  This may be interpreted that the women are considered more suitable for the situation or they are deliberately assigned the job so that they definitely fail. The second one is a foreseeable reality. However, when I ponder upon the role of women, which is certainly immense than balancing the place of women in society and their contribution, I would agree that the other extreme is also not good. I know some cases when the girls who got married, arranged or otherwise, may have behaved what is not right but such examples are very few. A number of families are trying to make the girls comfortable in their new home and life but much more is to be done at a larger scale. Let us think whether some cases become a valid reason that we should slow down/ stop short of achieving the goal (of breaking the bias). I read it somewhere that if we have to achieve 100% then we must try 300%( meaning thereby that if we try only 100% then will achieve only 33%). As per the 2021 report, the male-female ratio has been reported as 1020-1000, meaning 1020 girls to every 1000 boys. This has been the first time in independent India and the same could be possible due to the efforts of all concerned especially the educated lot from the urban regions. Though the concern of many is really genuine when they say that girls should not start behaving in the same manner as the boys have been in the past (or doing in the present). I agree that girls are more vulnerable to being treated in a manner that no one wants but who is responsible for that? I know that if they go out of their home at night then there are more chances of their being victims. But the victim of whom? I am sure of the men. Why does it happen so? Because the entire `Izzat`/honour of the family and the society has been attached/attributed to the woman. When a girl is victimized most of the family members are found asking her not to talk about the same because it will bring shame to the family. The mindset that boys are born to do anything that they want is to be changed. When people in responsible positions say that boys are made to make mistakes of robbing the dignity of the girls, it boils many from within and the retaliation may not be painless to the other party. This is the reason there is a danger of the pendulum reaching the other extreme. My question to all is that when the boys go to watch movies but the girls cannot? This I mentioned in the previous article also but there were no answers so that I can convince my students(girls). When Ms. Sharanya writes about a girl who is used by her boyfriend only for the sake of showing his position and power in society and he is appreciated for the same. The girl in the case is educated but still following what the man is asking her to do. This is all because we have been conditioned that men are to earn money and women are to earn love. And this earning of love only by the women has created this situation not in our country but in the entire world. Can we justify in any way that women are less capable or competent to run a country than men? Then why do only very few countries have women as the heads? You do not need any physical strength to run a country but the intellect (which the women have the same as men if not more). As per studies by the world economic forum, the number of female leaders has been limited, especially in so-called developed countries. I think it is a matter of pride that the longest stretch of power held by women is in our neighborhood, Bangladesh ( Ms. Sheikh Hasina and Ms Khaleda Jiya together have ruled the country approximately for 39 years) followed by our own Mrs. Indira Gandhi). The so-called most powerful and developed country USA has not had the fortune of electing even a single woman president of the country to date. Does that mean there are no competent women there?  Does not that prove that the power has always been captured by men for their own sake? Whenever women ask for recognition and their dues the very men try to please them by making them Devi and Ghar Ki Izzat.( Honour of the family). Here I would like to quote from the chapter- adventures in the accounting of the book by Ms Sharanya. The girl who becomes an accountant after a lot of struggle in the family and outside world says, "Our lives are spent offering accounts for everything- where we went, what we ate, what can we cook, who we met…everything must be counted and explained. Women make the best accountants- we have answers for everything, we expect to be probed, our lives are audited. Men have no such thinking; once they finish school, they are free to do as they please. Who asks them questions? Only their wives and mothers, who are usually ignored” This made me think again if women make excellent accountants then why do we have less proportion of women charted accountants (approximately 25-26 % as I read in a newspaper, would like to be corrected if this data is not correct). The same is the condition in other fields also. My question would continue to hammer again and again, who created all this difference and why are we not willing to change quickly? The more we let it linger, more chances are there to let the pendulum become heavier and non-aligned, then it will not be easy to stop it anywhere near the balancing point(equilibrium) but will go further away in the opposite direction, which nobody would like to happen. The counter for this usually comes that nature has made women like this or like that. I think the only difference is that the woman has to carry the child in her womb for nine months and men do not experience the pain and the happiness. If we talk and behave right from that time till children attend adolescence, then the problem which is being faced today would have been much less. I have come across families in which the boys were not differentiated as some household tasks were also assigned to them. If the girls were asked to cook food, the boys were also asked to help them in some way or other. When the guests would come it was not only the girl who would serve them water etc. but the boys would also be involved in taking care of the guests. The boys from such families are more comfortable with their wives and treat them with more respect and their married life is full of happiness and togetherness.

Another issue I want to touch upon is the salary part. I agree with Arvind Ji when he suggests that the husband can hand over some amount out of his earnings to the wife so that she feels empowered. Very true, but can we think of the same vice versa in order to keep the pendulum aligned. There have been cases of divorce where the wife was earning more than the husband. This can change if we treat each other at par as human beings and not really compare in terms of gender always. We expect a lady to leave the job if the husband is earning sufficient but can the opposite be accepted? My only submission is to treat women with respect and their dignity should not be compromised. In the end, I would like to convey my point of view to the statement that men are from mars and women are from venus. They both are born on planet earth the same way and mars and venus are the creation of MEN (after all John Grey is also a man). Though the book does not advocate it this way, the quote has become very popular, and many people (who have not read the book draw literal meaning. For understanding it better we must learn more about the growth of the child from the day the mother conceives to the time child is born. I definitely value the different points of view of you all but would reiterate the same please break the bias and help society to achieve a balance for the good of humanity. Let us all create a climate and culture of understanding, love, and care irrespective of being a male or a female. In this, even women would have to play a significant role. They should also remember that an eye for an eye is not the solution but that does not mean stop trying to reach the stage where men and women love and respect each than proving their strength by bringing each other down. In most cases, the girls leave their homes after marriage and live in an absolutely new environment. All should help them adjust and get used to a new way of life. She should be treated as an individual(woman) and not only as a wife, daughter-in-law and sister-in-law, etc. only. Men and women both are from this planet and have to live together so both should respect and help each other to enjoy this life in the best possible manner.