Happiness is not Mirage

"Someone once asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My answer was: A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others."

Why have we stopped appreciating the little things?

One day my mother expressed the desire to have her favorite sweet, Imarti. Her happiness knew no bounds when she finally took its first bite. The ecstasy spread on her face was thoroughly enjoyed by us. There was an aura of satisfaction around her, as if she has got everything. Interestingly, there is some or the other kind of sweets always available in the house but she isn’t fond of any of them. It was when she received her favorite after a long wait, her happiness increased manifold. This incident made me realize how just a little fulfillment of desire leads to immense happiness but there are people in the world who are extremely unhappy even after possessing all kinds of material pleasures. I wonder how easy availability and access to almost everything has decreased the value of things. Let’s go back to the days when there were no malls, supermarkets and online shopping platforms. There were these weekly markets with all the things of daily necessity on display. People used to take out time and go shopping patiently, purchasing things for the entire week and the family members enjoyed whatever they could purchase from the weekly temporary market. That wait of the day and then getting the things (of daily use or eatables) gave so much of happiness which cannot be realized by today’s generation because most of them get things at the click of the button or just asking parents. The wait for the letters to arrive and then reading them many times and replying back with lots of feelings gave tremendous joy. I remember getting the bicycle the first time after many requests to my father and also any additional book required because that was not readily available. That appropriate wait increased the happiness after I got those things. But now this seems to be just opposite. Parents provide the things to their children even before they demand for the same. I have come across cases where the child asked for one book and the parents purchased more than that. Also, the facilities available these days like Amazon, Flipkart and other online stores are letting things seen and delivered to the customer. Also, the payments through credit cards, EMI, COD etc., compel people to purchase even those things which they might not be requiring. Is it not the situation that somebody is not hungry and being compelled to eat? Will that person enjoy the food and have satisfaction leading to happiness? Not only this, it does not leave scope for curiosity and patience.

A child doesn’t have to wait for long for the ordered books. Hundreds of specific days (for e.g. friendship day) have given hundreds of reasons to celebrate and gratify ourselves materially. Talk about intellectual happiness hidden behind research and perspective even that has been ruined significantly by instant gratification provided by coaching institutions which is taking a child away from self-study. Search engines providing information at fraction of a second are taking a child away from wholesome reading. As google, tutors and teachers are available 24/7 to solve the problems and pay attention to the children, which does not allow children to try self and they are deprived of that happiness of achievement/fulfilment. All this instant gratification and availability has killed curiosity and decreased the value of things thereby bringing an alarming decline in happiness. With everything being available easily we have started taking things for granted. Imagine a scenario where you are sitting with your phone and the WiFi goes down or you are standing in a queue at the metro station and even waiting as the flight is delayed. In all these situations, the general tendency would be to crib and show extreme levels of frustration as if so much is missing in life. We have completely forgotten to appreciate things as everything is available so easily. We don’t appreciate the fact that we are able to fly, use internet and travel comfortably in metro trains.

What is happiness and how can one achieve it?

“Happiness is the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential. Happiness is leading an authentic and conscious life through which I can articulate the values and principles important to me. It is finding meaning, purpose, and impact in what I dedicate my time towards, and doing so with conviction. Happiness is not having an answer to the question, “What do I want to do when I grow up?” because it implicitly assumes I will “grow up” at one time or another. I believe life is a series of experiments that together add up to a lifelong adventure. This means never “growing up” and always seeking to find opportunities to learn, to explore, to feel discomfort, and to find the nugget of joy within the frustrations that are as guaranteed in life as the rising and setting of the sun. Happiness comes from embracing the now. Not letting those moments pass you by. Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism, tells of the story of missing his child being born to be at an “important meeting.” He thought the potential client would be impressed with his commitment to work. Instead, they saw his decision to miss such a monumental moment as a flaw in character. That moment was a turning point for Greg. In fact, it spurred him to change everything about his life. He now removes everything from his life that is not vital and essential. Nothing in life is permanent. Kids grow up. Friends move away. Our loved ones pass on from this life. Let’s live in the present and appreciate the most important things in our lives before it’s too late. The future value of time is far less than the present value. Yet, people “defer” happiness to someday in the future. In so doing, they forfeit experiencing the moment and being happy, now. You must find joy in the journey, because there really isn’t a destination. Goals are means, not ends. Progress is eternal. The process is everything.” (Huffpost)

How can we teach our kids to be happy?

Parents know that whatever they are able to provide to their kids hasn’t come easy. Then why is this fact kept away from the children? Parents need to realize that kids can really be happy if they appreciate the things they receive, understanding their value and the hard work that goes behind it. Kids need to be given chances to not only wait for the materialistic things but also wait patiently when it comes to success because what comes easy goes easy and something that is earned through constant efforts stays a long way. This will create a balance in their lives leading to increase in real happiness.

Teachers also need give opportunities to the kids to find out their true potential. Many educational apps focus on giving easy and quick solutions instead of focusing on the basics and do not even give enough chances to the child to find the solutions himself. Teachers today need to be true facilitators, letting students find their own solutions. They need to prepare strategies to make the students more thoughtful and creative because happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best. And the best you can do is to give courage to your kids to believe in themselves and set their goals and make them come true; to enable them to appreciate little things, make promises and strive to keep them. I would conclude with the beautiful and inspiring words of Christian D. Larson from ‘Your Forces and How to Use Them’

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”