Dreams of parents fulfilled through their children.

The students in the present age are considered to be passing through stressful life style.Be it the kid of age three to five years or teenager in the age group thirteen to sixteen years. While talking to the father of standard XII child, I came across one statement that he wanted his son to be an engineer at any cost.Though he is worried about the kind of pressure this has put on the child but the desire of father to make him an engineer is prevailing over the realisation of the stress the child is passing through.This is not one isolated case but when observed carefully this is found to be true in case of many children.Even the educated parents are the part of the same group.One counsellor shared it openly that though she had been advising other parents not to push their children against their will and interest but when it came to her ownself she behaved exactly in the same manner as other parents do.She shared that when her oldest son told them that he wanted to work part time so that he could earn some money to contribute to expenditure incurred on his education, she did not like the idea because now the mother of the child was more prominent than the counsellor.She felt that working and also studying might put extra stress on the child and when she was in a position to manage the fee etc. herself why should the son be allowed to work.But her son did not relent and she allowed him to do what he wanted though this was not a willing approval on her part.Later on she realised the reason behind her behaving the way she did.Her father had died when she was just a kid and because of this she had to struggle a lot studying and working as well. She knew the problems faced by her and did not want her son to go through the same.Later on when her son started sharing his experience of learning  he got, she realised that she was wrong initially when she did not approve his working along with the studies because of her own experience.

She mentions that most of the parents try to provide all those things to their children which they did not get in their childhood.That is one of the reasons that a child of today  gets everything before he really need or deserve for the same.They do not develop the sense of gratification because the parents have not let them understand the value of what the children have got.This is not true only in case of the material gains or the level of comfort only but in other situations also.For example, if a parent wanted to become a doctor and due to some reasons could not make it then he/she would like to achieve the same through their children.The gentleman who was mentioned in the beginning could not become an engineer hence is forcing his son so that he could feel satisfied for this accomplishment of his son which the father could not achieve.In addition to this, unfulfilled desire of the parents, sometimes the desire of the family members also force children to do something which they themselves could not do.It is not only achieving the position or designation but also the prestige in the society.There are number of cases in which even if a child is well-adjusted in a school but as the other school has more reputation in the society and the children of other family members and friend studied in that school hence this child is also forced to change the school against his/her will.And if by chance the child is not able to adjust and do well in the new school, the cycle of the problems for the child and the parents begins.

It is not that the parents should not have any expectations from their children but the expectations should be realistic and the ones which make the children enjoy their life. The expectations should not force them to become stressed,weak or dependant in any odd situation.They should be trained in a manner that they can learn from difficult situations and apply this learning to adjust in doing things in future.All individuals are different and would like to do different things or may be the same thing in different ways.So the responsibility of the parents is to encourage them develop the life skills and more importantly develop the social skills.